Jeremy Clarkson fikk munnkurv

Jeremy Clarkson har det ikke med å pakke inn uttalelsene sine, og sist han besøkte Australia, ble det mildt sagt oppstandelse.

På en pressekonferanse omtalte han Storbritannias tidligere statsminister Gordon Brown, som en «one eyed Scottish idiot» og beskrev ham som en «silly cunt». Følgelig hisset han på seg både seere og produsenter.

Han beklaget senere uttalelsen. I alle fall delvis ...

Det er kanskje derfor australias TV-kanal Channel Nine, som har rettighetene til «Top Gear» i landet, spente munnkurven på den sleivkjefta programlederen når han nå er tilbake i Australia.

«Top Gear»-teamet er i byen for å promotere et motorshow, men avisen Sydney Morning Herald skriver at Clarkson effektivt ble holdt borte fra all presse, og fikk kun snakke med Channel Nines reporter under en offisiell fotografering i Sydney.

«Forferdelige folk»

Han klarte likevel å lire av seg en liten fornærmelse til passasjerene på cruiseskipet Queen Mary 2, som lå til kai like bak Clarkson under intervjuet.

- Det er en diger kloss med leiligheter full av forferdelige folk, sa Clarkson om skipet.

Hvor fornærmet de «forferdelige folkene» egentlig er, skal være usagt, men uttalsen gjengis nå i mediene.

Det er langt fra den første gangen Clarkson har slengt med leppa - eller det beste eksempelet.

Han har tidligere vært ute i hardt vært etter å ha spøkt om polakker, tyskere og andre verdenskrig og mange vil sikkert huske bruduljene da Clarkson under storstreiken i England i 2011 mente at streikerne burde bli slept ut på gata og henrettet foran familienen sine.

Uttalelsen var åpenbart en spøk, men ikke alle syntes den var like morsom.

De beste uttalelsene

«Top Gear» er verdens mest sette TV-program, og startet nylig sin 19. sesong på britiske TV-skjermer, etter å ha vært borte et helt år som følge av ressursprioritering fra BBC i forbindelse med OL i London.

De har allerede klart å sette ny rekord rundt sin etter hvert så verdensberømte testbane.

Men for å korte ned ventetiden frem til episodene blir sendt her i Norge, har vi samlet noen av de beste uttalelsene til Top Gear Jeremy Clarkson, mannen som stort sett har fornærmet alle som har tatt seg bryet med å med å la seg bli fornærmet av en selværklært middelaldrende, feit biljournalist.

Det er likevel hans fargefulle kommentarer til biler av forskjellige slag som virkelig har gjort ham populær. Det er bare å lene seg tilbake og nyte!

Om Norge

Clarkson har et elsk-hat-forhold til Norge, og da han for noen år siden skulle teste en Mercedes i Lillehammer for The Times, handlet brorparten om hvor dyrt, kaldt og merkelig Norge egentlig er.

• But behind the veneer of normality it’s as mad as a box of hovercraft. First of all there’s the bothersome business or reading [road] signs¿Norwegian doesn’t seem to be a language that’s evolved, or migrated. I learnt after a few days that the Norwegian for “parking” is “parkering” but this doesn’t work with other verbs. Norwegian for “talking”, for instance, isn’t “talkering”. And if you say you want to go “drinkering”, they won’t have a clue what you’re on about.

• in the frozen north you need to drive for 500 miles to find a beer and when you get there you’ll be charged about £500.

• To make sure this happens you’re limited to 4mph and the roads are littered with forward-facing speed cameras that go off in a burst of blinding red light so intense it can strip all the paint off the front of your car. They don’t take your licence for speeding over there. They take your sight

Om forholdet til fart:

Speed never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you.

Om kollektivfelt:

• I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

Svensk komfort:

• Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what... BEING STABBED?

Lotus Elise:

• This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory.

Ford Mustang:

• I would buy that car if I was the sort of person who looked at their sister and thought, mmmmmm.

Nye Corvette C7:

• ...and the best thing is, it makes you 27 percent more attractive to your sister.

Suzuki:

• The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite.

Flerbruksbiler

• This is a Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that’s much to shout about. That’s like saying ‘Oh good, I’ve got syphilis, the best of the sexually transmitted diseases!

Mercedes CLS55:

• Braking in this car is so brutal, it would be less painful to actually hit the tree you were trying to miss.

Audi RS4 Kabriolet:

• The only person to ever look good in the back of a 4-seater convertible was Adolf Hitler.

Britisk sportsbil:

• In the olden days I always got the impression that TVR built a car, put it on sale, and then found out how it handled – usually when one of their customers wrote to the factory complaining about how dead he was.

Sexy bil:

• I’m sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch. If you’ve got even half a scrotum it’s not going to happen.

Det var verre:

• I was reading The Mirror the other day and came across a letter from a reader who wrote, 'I was riding my bike to work when this red Ferrari pulled up next to me. Out of the window, Jeremy Clarkson shouted 'Get a car', and drove off.' What I actually said was, 'Get a car you hatchet faced, leaf-eating Nazi.

Porsche Cayman S

• There are many things I'd rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.

USA-hatet:

• 250 million wankers living in a country with no word for wanker.

Turbo-forklaringen:

• Exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

Boxters mangel på krefter

• It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig's bottom

«Highway code on cyclists»

• Trespassers in the motorcars domain, they do not pay road tax and therefore have no right to be on the road, some of them even believe they are going fast enough to not be an obstruction. Run them down to prove them wrong.

HIV

• If we are being honest HIV is a pathetic virus, it can only live in the air for 6seconds and it does what ebola does to you in 10 days in 10 years.

Dieselhatet

• Sure it's quiet, for a diesel. But that's like being well-behaved... for a murderer.

Om å forsøke å være noe annet:

• Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It's like making a hard core adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You'd just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke's sweaty face.

Uinteressant

• I would rather have a vasectomy than buy a Ford Galaxy.

Klimahysteri

• Supercars are supposed to run over Arthur Scargill and then run over him again for good measure. They are designed to melt ice caps, kill the poor, poison the water table, destroy the ozone layer, decimate indigenous wildlife, recapture the Falkland Islands and turn the entire third world into a huge uninhabitable desert, all that before they nicked all the oil in the world

Bentleys understellsjustering:

• It's really as useful, as a snooze button on a smoke alarm.

Audi R8

• Driving most supercars is like trying to manhandle a cow up a back staircase, but this is like smearing honey onto Keira Knightley.

Elsker Ferrari

• I'd like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.

BMW X3

• If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning, and you think you are an onion, this is your car.

Austin Allegro vs Morris Marina

• Deciding which one is worse, is like deciding which leg you'd rather have amputated.

Vi avslutter med en herlig trio av fornærmelser, som endte med at Mexicos ambassadør ble svært irritert, og sendte skriftlig klage til BBC om at de fornærmet det mexikanske folket. Det var da de diskuterte nyheten om at en mexicansk sportsbil var på vei.

Richard Hammond: «Cars reflect national characteristics ... a Mexican car's just going to be a lazy, feckless, flatulent oaf with a mustache, leaning against a fence asleep, looking at a cactus with a blanket with a hole in the middle on as a coat».

James May fortsatte med å insinnuere at mexikans mat så ut som frityrstekt oppkast, og Hammond mnte det måtte være forferdelig å våkne en dag og innse at du er mexikansk - og Clarkson mente den mexikanske ambassadøren ville være for lat til å klage på alt de hadde sagt.

Han tok feil.