Uttalelsene som har gjort Jeremy Clarkson elsket - og hatet
Han er selve nerven i et av verdens mest populære TV-show. Han tjener svært gode penger. Og nå er det bråk rundt Top Gear-programleder Jeremy Clarkson.
Igjen.
Ikke før hadde de lagt bak seg opptøyer i Argentina, rasismeanklager i et rim - og anklager om bruk av stereotypisk ladet ord i Asia (som til slutt førte til at han fikk en "siste advarsel" av BBC), før nyheten tirsdag kom om at den populære programlederen er suspendert midt under Top Gear-sesongen etter en krangel med en produsent.
Les også: - Top Gear-programleder slo til produsent i ansiktet
Det er alltid bråk rundt Jeremy Clarkson - og det er ikke til å legge skjul på at vi elsker det.
Det er nemlig hans fargefulle kommentarer til biler - og strengt tatt alt annet - som virkelig har gjort ham populær. Og svært upopulær av alle grupper - og bilprodusenter - som har blitt offer for hans utspill og slakt.
Les også: Top Gear har hisset på seg ny bilprodusent
Tesla valgte til og med i sin tid å gå til søksmål etter et innslag fra Clarkson om deres Roadster.
Under har vi samlet noen av høydepunktene:
Om Norge
Clarkson har et elsk-hat-forhold til Norge, og da han for noen år siden skulle teste en Mercedes i Lillehammer for The Times, handlet brorparten av saken om hvor dyrt, kaldt og merkelig Norge egentlig.
But behind the veneer of normality its as mad as a box of hovercraft. First of all theres the bothersome business or reading [road] signs¿Norwegian doesnt seem to be a language thats evolved, or migrated. I learnt after a few days that the Norwegian for parking is parkering but this doesnt work with other verbs. Norwegian for talking, for instance, isnt talkering. And if you say you want to go drinkering, they wont have a clue what youre on about.
In the frozen north you need to drive for 500 miles to find a beer and when you get there youll be charged about £500.
To make sure this happens you're limited to 4mph and the roads are littered with forward-facing speed cameras that go off in a burst of blinding red light so intense it can strip all the paint off the front of your car. They dont take your licence for speeding over there. They take your sight.
Om forholdet til fart:
Speed never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you.
Om kollektivfelt:
I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?
Svensk komfort:
Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what... BEING STABBED?
Lotus Elise:
This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory.
Ford Mustang:
I would buy that car if I was the sort of person who looked at their sister and thought, mmmmmm.
Nye Corvette C6:
...and the best thing is, it makes you 27 percent more attractive to your sister.
Suzuki:
The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite.
Flerbruksbiler
This is a Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that thats much to shout about. Thats like saying Oh good, Ive got syphilis, the best of the sexually transmitted diseases!
Mercedes CLS55:
Braking in this car is so brutal, it would be less painful to actually hit the tree you were trying to miss.
Mercedes SL65 AMG Black:
It's the most uncomfortable car in all of human history. [...] And and look at these seats. One piece, carbon fiber, from the, ummm, Mercedes Agony range.
Audi RS4 Kabriolet:
The only person to ever look good in the back of a 4-seater convertible was Adolf Hitler.
Britiske TVR:
In the olden days I always got the impression that TVR built a car, put it on sale, and then found out how it handled – usually when one of their customers wrote to the factory complaining about how dead he was.
Sexy bil:
I'm sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch. If you've got even half a scrotum its not going to happen.
Det var verre før:
I was reading The Mirror the other day and came across a letter from a reader who wrote, 'I was riding my bike to work when this red Ferrari pulled up next to me. Out of the window, Jeremy Clarkson shouted 'Get a car', and drove off.' What I actually said was, 'Get a car you hatchet faced, leaf-eating Nazi.
Porsche Cayman S
There are many things I'd rather be doing than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean.
USA-hatet:
250 million wankers living in a country with no word for wanker.
Om lastebilsjåfører:
It's a hard job. Change gear, change gear, change gear, check your mirrors, murder a prostitute, change gear, change gear, murder. That's a lot of effort in a day.
Turbo-forklaringen:
Exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.
Smack down:
The last time someone was as wrong as you, was when a politician stepped off an aeroplane in 1939 waving a piece of paper in the air saying there will be no war with Germany.
George Bush:
Tonight, the new Viper, which is the American equivalent of a sports car... in the same way, I guess, that George Bush is the equivalent of a President.
Boxters mangel på krefter
It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig's bottom
Sin egen «Highway code on cyclists»
Trespassers in the motorcars domain, they do not pay road tax and therefore have no right to be on the road, some of them even believe they are going fast enough to not be an obstruction. Run them down to prove them wrong.
Forhjulstrekk med stor motor:
Asking the front wheels of a car to do their normal job of steering while handling more than 170hp is like asking a man to wire a plug while juggling... penguins... while making love... to a beautiful woman while on fire, on stage... in front of the Queen. It's all going to go wrong.
HIV
If we are being honest HIV is a pathetic virus, it can only live in the air for 6 seconds and it does what ebola does to you in 10 days in 10 years.
Dieselhatet
Sure it's quiet, for a diesel. But that's like being well-behaved... for a murderer.
Om å forsøke å være noe annet:
Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It's like making a hard core adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You'd just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke's sweaty face.
Uinteressant
I would rather have a vasectomy than buy a Ford Galaxy.
Klimahysteri
Supercars are supposed to run over Arthur Scargill and then run over him again for good measure. They are designed to melt ice caps, kill the poor, poison the water table, destroy the ozone layer, decimate indigenous wildlife, recapture the Falkland Islands and turn the entire third world into a huge uninhabitable desert, all that before they nicked all the oil in the world
Bentleys understellsjustering:
It's really as useful as a snooze button on a smoke alarm.
Audi R8
Driving most supercars is like trying to manhandle a cow up a back staircase, but this is like smearing honey onto Keira Knightley.
Elsker Ferrari
I'd like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.
BMW X3
If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning, and you think you are an onion, this is your car.
Austin Allegro vs Morris Marina
Deciding which one is worse, is like deciding which leg you'd rather have amputated.
Da det ble virkelig bråk
Vi avslutter med en herlig trio av fornærmelser, som endte med at Mexicos ambassadør ble svært irritert, og sendte skriftlig klage til BBC om at de fornærmet det mexikanske folket. Det var da de diskuterte nyheten om at en mexicansk sportsbil var på vei.
Richard Hammond: «Cars reflect national characteristics ... a Mexican car's just going to be a lazy, feckless, flatulent oaf with a mustache, leaning against a fence asleep, looking at a cactus with a blanket with a hole in the middle on as a coat».
James May fortsatte med å insinnuere at mexikans mat så ut som frityrstekt oppkast, og Hammond mnte det måtte være forferdelig å våkne en dag og innse at du er mexikansk - og Clarkson mente den mexikanske ambassadøren ville være for lat til å klage på alt de hadde sagt.